


Let Me Be The Rain Above Your Ocean

by bikki



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Biting, Breathplay, Fluff, Frottage, Grinding, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Misunderstandings, Neck Kissing, Nightmares, Nipple Play, Overstimulation, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, Time Skips, Underage Drinking, Wet Dream, minor PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29927904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bikki/pseuds/bikki
Summary: It might take them a while to find back to their old ‘normal’ but with Sehyoon sitting cross-legged and pillow-hugging in from of him, a soft smile on his face, Byeongkwan feels as if they have all the time in this world. It will take lots of patience and even more conversations in order to understand the past and build the future but he is ready, has been for so long.And so they talk, for hours, and longer, attempting to catch up on three years of missed chances and lost time.
Relationships: Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	1. STAND BY YOU

**Author's Note:**

> me: wowkwan deserves all the fluff!!  
> me: writes angsty bs again
> 
> for the love of lady jesus i cant explain why angst comes so naturally to me whenever i write about the boyfriends(TM) but at least this time i was able to pack in a bunch of fluff as well so ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 
> 
> at this point, i have finished the fic and am currently beta-ing each chapter so expect regular updates!
> 
> as always: english isnt my first language and while i tried hard pls do not hesitate to point out anything that makes the story difficult to read - i always appreciate feedback as it gives me the possibility to improve! (^ω^)
> 
> btw: im not sure anyone even cares lmao but while writing i usually listen to ambience or meditation music and these 2 channels have been my companions through the process of writing this whopper  
> youtube.com/channel/UCfR8HhkbpDAwvYxrecNg4Mg (highly rec the harry potter common room ones!)  
> youtube.com/channel/UC2ogIyg9PuH61FgxW3rr8OQ (i know this is some whorship channel or smth but their instrumentals are *muah*)

BYEONGKWAN'S POV

* * *

Upon making out his face in the crowd, Byeongkwan’s initial impulse is to slap him, with all the force his body would be capable of building up. To hurt him just as much as he had been hurt. Maybe even break skin, to make him understand how broken he himself had felt all those year back. Once Sehyoon stands in front of him though, Byeongkwan is unable to do anything but stare at him.

 _He has changed_ , he thinks.

Obviously, it’s been three whole years after all, of course Sehyoon wouldn’t look the same anymore; his once bleached white hair had made way for his naturally deep back one and it is a bit longer now, parted in the middle and slightly reaching past his ears, beautifully framing his face. His eyes seem even darker than his hair and Byeongkwan has troubles reading them. He used to immediately know what his best friend was thinking or feeling by merely looking at his features, but right this moment it’s like staring at a white, naked wall.

 _Empty_.

Looking at Sehyoon’s expressionless face makes Byeongkwan nervous; he doesn’t like not knowing what’s going on inside the other’s head. Growing restless, he was about to speak but then Sehyoon’s eyebrows slightly creased and he narrowed his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Byeongkwan almost starts to cry. He never thought hearing Sehyoon’s voice after such a long time would fill him with this much sadness and happiness alike.

Hurt and fear, hope and relief, anger and joy – it all rushes through him at once and he has to take a deep breath to keep his voice from shaking and his emotions at bay. “Picking you up, obviously.” He tried to smile but he can feel how his lips tremble.

“How do you know?” There is no bite in Sehyoon’s voice but the suspicion is audible, the discomfort palpable.

“Your mom told me.”

The older one rolls his eyes and nods but doesn’t give any other reaction otherwise. When he looks back at Byeongkwan, the latter can feel everything in him break, just like all those years ago, and he doesn’t find it in him to keep up the wall and the act of not caring. Because he does. Perhaps even too much.

Sucking in another deep breath through his nose, Byeongkwan lets the tears spill over and run down his face to then drop onto the dirty airport floor. While he isn’t sure if Sehyoon would allow him to step past the invisible barrier the older one had put up while he had been gone, Byeongkwan’s body seems to act on its own; in the blink of an eye has he wrapped his arms around the other boy’s middle, pulling him closer. So close that their bodies are flush against one another. So close Byeongkwan can smell Sehyoon’s mint shampoo. So close that he can feel that his best friend was slightly trembling.

It breaks his heart.

Sehyoon doesn’t reciprocate the hug, just continues to hold on to his bag and suitcase, and yet, Byeongkwan wants to stay like this for a bit longer, scared of letting go and losing it all again. But he can feel Sehyoon tensing up more and more with each passing second so he eventually removes himself from him. Shooting him another strained smile, he snatched the big suitcase from Sehyoon’s hand and starts to walk towards the big glass front that leads out to the parking lot.

“What are you doing?” Sehyoon’s voice is calm and quiet, barely audible over the hustle and bustle that surrounds them in the busy airport but the pain is so evident that it makes the younger one stop in his tracks involuntarily.

“Taking you home.” Byeongkwan swallows, trying to push down the lump in his throat that threatens to suffocate him.

“Byeongkwan, I don't-“

Byeongkwan cuts him off. “I am taking you home. And we will talk.” He just couldn't let him finish that sentence.

Turning around to look at the older one, it is like looking in a mirror; all the pain and exhaustion that weighs down so heavily on his own body seems to have manifested on Sehyoon’s face and with his arms hanging lifelessly by his side and his head slightly tilted to the side, he looks so incredibly small and vulnerable. Swallowing hard again, Byeongkwan inhales deeply and walks out through the sliding doors without checking if Sehyoon is following him.

When he reaches his car, he is relieved to realize that the other had tagged along, now awkwardly standing next to the black vehicle. Byeongkwan hauls the suitcase and bag into the trunk and is about to open the passenger seat door when he suddenly feels a light tug on his hoodie. Sehyoon is avoiding eye contact and has started to nervously bite his lower lip; he is hesitating. Byeongkwan doesn’t have to ask why, but he has to ask something else.

“Will you be alright?”

Sehyoon swallows, his brows furrowed in deep concentration. “I don't know. It’s been a while.”

Byeongkwan nods. “Let’s take it slow. It’s not too far but if it gets too much we will just take the train, alright?”

The older one finally looks at him and while he doesn’t say anything, his eyes are screaming. He has started to lightly shake again and Byeongkwan wants nothing more than to hug him tightly, tell him that there is no reason to be scared and that he is save. But all he can do is to wait; wait until Sehyoon would find the courage he can’t give him. Eventually, the older one gives a small nod.

Byeongkwan watches as Sehyoon carefully climbs into the car, making sure to leave the door open as he doesn’t want him to feel trapped and alone. Quickly walking around the vehicle, Byeongkwan gets into the driver seat and waits. Sehyoon’s right leg starts to bounce and his eyes fall closed, his breathing strained and shallow. They are sitting in silence for a while when Sehyoon’s voice suddenly cuts through it.

“When did you get your license?”

“A little under two years ago. First try!” Byeongkwan can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. He is still quite proud of this achievement.

Apparently, so is the other. “Mh, didn’t expect anything less from you.”

Byeongkwan steals a quick glance and sees that Sehyoon is smiling ever so slightly as well. It makes his heart jump; all he wants and ever wanted was for his best friend to always laugh and be happy, but then everything changed and seeing Sehyoon smile first became a rarity, then an impossibility. Opening his eyes, Sehyoon slowly reaches for the door and closes it. He draws in a sharp breath through his noses and swallows. With a shaky voice, he lets Byeongkwan know that he is ready.

“Let’s go.”

*******

By the time they reach the small house, Sehyoon is practically leaping out of the car. It has been a though ride for both of them; Byeongkwan had to drive excruciatingly slowly which had earned him angry honks as well as a few insults and middle fingers from frustrated drivers. To help Sehyoon feel less caged, he had kept the windows open which in return had let in the freezing spring air, making them constantly shiver because of the uncomfortable cold. It was all for naught though as Sehyoon had been on edge the entire drive, shaking and breathing heavily. Just like now.

To make sure he wouldn’t drift into a full on panic attack, Byeongkwan hurries over and grabs his face with both hands, forcing the older to look at him. Sehyoon’s hands promptly come up to clench around his wrists while he screws his eyes shut, clearly on the verge of hyperventilating. Byeongkwan tries his best to speak calmly but seeing Sehyoon like this just makes it so damn difficult.

“Sehyoon, listen. You need to concentrate on your breathing. Try to slow down.” His voice doesn’t get through to him though; if anything, it seems as if he is shaking a lot more now, ragged breaths rippling through him. Byeongkwan starts to panic – it is just like three years ago.

_I couldn't help him back then, and I can’t help him now either._

Out of pure helplessness, Byeongkwan does the next best thing, something he had heard somewhere a long time ago; pressing Sehyoon against the car, he quickly places one of his hands over the other’s mouth, forcing him to breathe through his nose. Visibly confused by the action, Sehyoon tries to get away and Byeongkwan off of him but the latter gently pushes him back and steadies him by pressing his other hand on his chest.

“Shhhh. It’s okay. You’re okay.” At this point, Byeongkwan isn’t sure whom he is talking about and whom he is actually trying to calm down.

Trying to help Sehyoon calm his breathing by setting a steady pace, in- and exhaling slowly and deeply with him, they stay like that for a while. At some point, heavy tears start to roll down Sehyoon’s face but to Byeongkwan’s surprise he doesn’t avert his gaze, instead keeping his eyes fixed on Byeongkwan’s. Facing each other like this, he realizes that their height difference isn’t as prominent anymore as it used to be when they were younger.

After some time, Sehyoon gently pulls Byeongkwan’s hand away from his mouth and breathes in deeply, letting his head fall forwards and against the younger one’s shoulder. When he speaks, his voice is thin and weak. “I’m sorry.”

There are a million things Byeongkwan wants to say and a million more he wants to scream. There is absolutely nothing this boy has to apologize for but Byeongkwan doesn’t know how to make him believe that. When Sehyoon had left three years ago, he had taken his faith in himself with him.

_I couldn't help him back then, and I can’t help him now either._

Scared of losing the momentum but not knowing what to say, Byeongkwan decides to communicate in a way that used to be so natural to them.

Snaking his arms around Sehyoon’s slim waist, he pulls his friend close for the second time that afternoon. This time though, Sehyoon hugs him back.

*******

“So? What do you say?”

“It’s…”, Sehyoon nods absentmindedly, his eyes roaming around, “it’s pretty much how I imagined it would look like.”

After making sure Sehyoon had fully calmed down, Byeongkwan had taken him inside and to his room, giving him some time to settle in. An hour and a long shower later, Sehyoon had trotted down the stairs and into the kitchen to where Byeongkwan had been patiently waiting for him. They are touring through the house now and while he is excitedly showing off every nook and cranny, Byeongkwan is also carefully watching the other. He really wants him to like it here. _Their home_.

“I hope that’s a good thing. It was a lot of work, lemme tell ya. Took me ages to make this old lady habitable again.”

“Wait, you did all this by yourself?” Sehyoon stares at him in disbelief.

“I did most of it, but my dad and brother helped lots. And I was able to bribe Jun and Donghun with food from time to time as well.” Byeongkwan laughs and shoots him a sheepish grin and a thumbs up. Getting their two friends involved in the refurb process had been the most difficult task out of all, and that means something.

This house had belonged to his grandma who, after she had to be moved to a retirement home, had handed it down to him; he and Sehyoon would have moved in once Byeongkwan had finished high school the year after. It had been in a pretty decent condition overall but definitely needed some fresh colours, new floorings and some less 70’s looking furniture. Back then they had been so excited that they had spent countless days making plans as to how they wanted to re-do the old thing.

But then Sehyoon left.

“How are they?” Sehyoon’s voice is quiet again and he is nervously playing with his fingers, guilt and sorrow written all over his face.

Byeongkwan swallows.

When Sehyoon had vanished three years ago, Byeongkwan wasn’t the only one who was left behind. His own pain makes it hard sometimes to remember that their friends had suffered and struggled as well, had been just as sad and confused about Sehyoon’s sudden departure and had felt just as helpless.

_But they haven’t known him for as long as I do. Haven’t been as close to him as I am._

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Byeongkwan clears his throat and shoots Sehyoon a warm smile.

“They’re doing great. Donghun finished uni last year and took a break afterwards to travel around. He will start his master’s degree upcoming fall. Don't ask me how one survives four years of Business Admin to then willingly add two more just for some stupid piece of paper and title no one cares about anyway.” Byeongkwan widens his eyes dramatically and shakes his head, a breathy laugh escaping past his lips. “But I’m really proud of him. Dude goes his own way despite his mom pushing him into other directions, trying to get him to ‘make use of the angelic voice she gifted him with’.”

They sit down on the comfy couch in the small living room and Sehyoon grabs one of the decorative cushions, pressing it firmly against his belly while listening attentively. He almost looks like a kid that is told a thrilling story. But then again, after all his time without any sort of contact with either of them – nothing Byeongkwan would have accepted if he would have been given a choice – it must be quite exciting to learn all those things about people you used to know so well.

“Jun really made it into Elementary Education and is in his last year now. He loves working with kids and they seem to adore him as well. Oh, he even got himself a girl! Bless her heart, I have no idea how or why she stays with him but they seem happy.” Byeongkwan gives another breathy laugh.

Sehyoon’s face suddenly falls and the pained expression is back. If at all possible, his voice is even smaller than before, barely a shy whisper.

“Are you?”

Byeongkwan is confused by the question, unsure what exactly the other is referencing to but there is an urgency in Sehyoon’s eyes that scares him.

“Am I what?”

Sehyoon shifts and starts to fidget again, eyes darting around nervously and he knits his eyebrows. He is clearly brooding, contemplating on whether he should elaborate or not but he eventually just shakes his head and gives a strained smile.

“Nevermind.” Sehyoon clears his throat awkwardly before he continues. “What have you been up to?” He keeps the fake smile but Byeongkwan decides not to prod for what he truly wanted to ask.

“I’m in my first year of college. Thankfully it’s super close to here so I don't have to stay at their dorms. The programs they have are unbelievable but their housing is, let’s say, not great.”

“Wait a second.” Sehyoon tilts his head and narrows his eyes, looking up slightly while visibly thinking hard. “You’re twenty-two now, shouldn’t you be a sophomore already?” He looks at Byeongkwan, puzzled.

Byeongkwan in return avoids eye contact, unsure how honest he should be. He absolutely doesn’t want to upset the other or make him feel guilty; none of it was his fault but he knows that Sehyoon would not agree with that.

“Uhm.. you know…”, he is vaguely gesturing with his hands, conflicted, “I uh…” Byeongkwan sighs.

_Get a grip you idiot. However the truth will make him feel is not your responsibility. You don't always have to try and protect him. You’ve already failed at that miserably on so many accounts anyway._

Sometimes Byeongkwan really hates his own brain.

Letting out another sigh, he finally finds the courage to explain. “After you’ve left, I’ve had a pretty rough time. Was worried sick and struggled a lot. We all did but I was … not coping as well as the others, I guess.” Byeongkwan gives a sad smile and shrugged, still looking at his hands. “I skipped school… a lot. So much that I had to repeat the last year of high school.”

Byeongkwan doesn’t dare to look at Sehyoon; despite it not being his intention, he knows that his words make the older one feel terrible and it most definitely shows on his face. Something Byeongkwan wouldn’t be able to handle, so instead he continues talking, interrupting a whispered, heartbreakingly sad apology from Sehyoon.

“It’s fine though! It is nice to be among the eldest for once. Ya know, being called hyung is something I could get used to. Plus, I’ve met a real nice guy. He’s super fun and just as energetic as I am. And we are studying the same major which is awesome! When it comes to dancing he’s of course no match for me but damn, this kid can sing, lemme tell ya. Dude has a crazy laugh though, no idea how that works.” Byeongkwan chuckles. “You guys should meet, you’d like each other a lot, I’m sure.”

“Sounds like you and your bestie are a match made in heaven, huh?”

Byeongkwan looks up at that; Sehyoon eyes are casted down but he is smiling warmly.

“Ey, what do you mean?” Byeongkwan thinks about taking Sehyoon’s hands into his but decides against it. “You know that you are the only one who will ever hold the honourable title and position of being my best friend. It’s always been like that and nothing will change it, so don't think you can get rid of me that easily.”

Finally, their eyes meet and Byeongkwan offers a cheeky, lopsided smile.

“Lucky me, huh?” This earns Sehyoon a light slap across his shoulder and the two of them share a light laugh.

It might take them a while to find back to their old ‘normal’ but with Sehyoon sitting cross-legged and pillow-hugging in from of him, a soft smile on his face, Byeongkwan feels as if they have all the time in this world. It will take lots of patience and even more conversations in order to understand the past and build the future but he is ready, has been for so long.

And so they talk, for hours, and longer, attempting to catch up on three years of lost time.


	2. ALL I WANT IS YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff, angst, a teeny tiny bit of barely-there smut - this chapter has it all, even some super clichèd tropes and some nonsensical plot points lmao but welp ┐(´～｀;)┌  
> i needed some things to happen for the story to eventually play out the way i invisioned it so pls bear with this chapter
> 
> also: this "2 years later" timeline is the main and 'current' timeline the story is set in!

SEHYOON'S POV

* * *

**_2 Years Later _ **

Drawing in a shaky breath, Sehyoon startles awake.

His hands are shaking and his heart was hammering in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He had broken out into a cold sweat, his shirt and sweatpants now uncomfortably sticking to his body. Climbing out of the bed, he dizzily walks to the window to open it, inhaling the crisp spring air. It is still dark outside and although the cold that floods through the room makes him shiver, he welcomes it as it helps him to clear his head.

It takes a good ten minutes, but he eventually manages to calm down his ragged breathing and stop the tremors that were rushing through his body. Sehyoon sighs at the slight pressure he can feel behind his forehead - a headache is on its way and he knows it is not going to be a pleasant one. Grabbing his phone from the bedside table, he checks the time. 2:43am.

_Shit._

The impending headache probably wouldn’t allow him to fall back asleep, not that he had planned to in the first place; he is too afraid of possibly getting confronted with yet another hellish nightmare, but for pulling an all-nighter, time definitely is not in his favour either. Even if he doesn’t have to work tomorrow and could therefore nap away during the day, for now, he doesn’t trust himself to be alone with his thoughts for… well, until Byeongkwan would wake up, basically. Who knows when that would be though as the latter tends to sleep in on weekends.

_Great, so I can either try falling asleep and risk another nightmare or I stay awake, waiting for Byeongkwan to wake up while my head is exploding._

Sehyoon sighs again.

 _Byeongkwan_.

Letting out a strained breath, he sits back down onto his bed and stares at the carpeted floor, unsure of what to do. Byeongkwan had told him that he should let him know whenever his dreams would get too much and Sehyoon had even taken up on his offer a few times; Byeongkwan would usually talk about random things, Sehyoon just quietly listening until the wild fires of his fears were reduced to dying embers. 

But him and Chan had a study session last night which, by the time he had retreated to his room at around midnight, hadn't finished yet and he sure as well isn’t going to disturb Byeongkwan’s sleep just because he is unable to deal with his own past.

_Just when will this stop?_

He idly just sits there until he gets restless from pitying himself. Eventually, he gets up and heads downstairs towards the kitchen to make himself some tea in hopes it would help calm him down enough to make it through the next few hours. Walking down the creaky stairs, Sehyoon can see some light flickering coming from the living room.

_Jesus, are they still at it?_

Once he turns around the corner and peaks through the doorway though, he can see Byeongkwan curled up on the big sofa, completely engrossed in the video game he was playing, a soft blanket drawn up all the way to under his chin. Because of the headphones he is wearing, he doesn’t hear Sehyoon approach him and almost hits him square in the face with the controller when the older taps him on the shoulder.

“Jesus fucking Christ what the f-“ Byeongkwan was practically screaming, a hand flying up to his chest, clutching. Upon seeing Sehyoon, he quickly relaxed though and takes off the earphones. “Holy shit Sehyoon, you scared me to death!”

Byeongkwan usually isn’t one to get scared easily and his almost dramatic reaction takes Sehyoon by surprise. “Oh god, sorry, I didn’t mean to! I didn’t even expect you to be up still.”

A deep sigh escapes Byeongkwan’s body. “It’s not like I planned to but we literally fried our heads over Stage Production and I needed to give my poor brain a breather. We are like three months away from finishing this term and we just had to be given this stupid project. Why?” He whines and stretches his legs. “What time is it?”

“Around three I think.”

“Damn, why can’t time ever run this quickly while studying?” The younger one groans, then he pauses the game to look at Sehyoon. “Why are _you_ up by the way? I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No! No, I … uh…” Sehyoon avoids eye contact by looking at his feet.

He hadn't planned on involving Byeongkwan, but the kid is smart and before Sehyoon can form any sort of cohesive sentence, the other speaks to him softly.

“You’ve had another one, right?”

The concern in Byeongkwan’s voice makes him look up and he is met with furrowed brows and a slightly tilted head, his intense gaze full of worry. Sehyoon has to avert his eyes; he hates making Byeongkwan feel like this, hates how he depends on him way too much on way too many occasions. And yet, he knows he can’t do it alone, so he gives a small nod.

He can hear Byeongkwan inhale deeply, then there was some rustling. “Come here.”

Looking up, Sehyoon’s heart jumps at the way Byeongkwan is stretching out his arms in an inviting manner, his feet now on the ground, the blanked tossed to the side. While his mind hesitates, his body is already moving as if by second nature.

He quickly walks around the coffee table and lets himself fall onto the couch and to the side, his head now resting in Byeongkwan’s lap. Almost naturally so, his arms find their way around the latter’s slim waist while he nuzzles into his firm belly, breathing in the familiar scent of the detergent that they both are using but that seems to smell so much nicer on the other.

Byeongkwan is warm, incredibly so, and together with the even rise and fall of his body with every calm breath, Sehyoon can feel himself relax quickly while the other is clumsily trying to put the blanket over him. Suddenly, there is a hand on his head and gentle fingers are combing through his hair. It makes him shiver involuntarily.

They stay like this for a while; in silence, Byeongkwan just softly humming while the bright glimmering of the TV illuminated them in a deep blue light. When Byeongkwan speaks, he does so carefully.

“Was it about Eunseo again?”

Sehyoon just hugs Byeongkwan tighter, nuzzles in closer. The warmth that is radiating off of the younger one’s body is seeping into his own and it is incredibly calming, making him unbelievably drowsy. The two of them haven’t been this close ever since he had come back two years ago and he is now basking in the physical contact he had forgotten he was craving for so long.

Thankfully, Byeongkwan knows how to read and understand him, even if he doesn’t use words to communicate and so he doesn’t prod, instead he just continues to softly run his fingers through his hair. As his body further relaxes, his mind becomes heavy and Sehyoon can feel how he is slowly dozing off while clinging to the younger one, his warmth like an anchor in the darkness and his mellow voice a mere, distant whisper.

“I’m here Sehyoon, I’ve got you.”

Sehyoon manages to hum contentedly before falling into a deep, dreamless slumber.

*******

He wakes up a few hours later with Byeongkwan tightly wrapped around him, snoring quietly. Carefully prying open his eyes, he is promptly met with the other’s sleeping face, so close to his own that he has troubles getting his vision to un-blur. The rising morning sun drapes the whole room in a soft orange light, beautifully reflecting off of Byeongkwan’s bright red hair that was sticking up in ways that shouldn’t be possible, a few wild strands lightly tickling Sehyoon’s forehead.

Shifting a bit, Sehyoon notices that their legs are intertwined and their bodies pretty much flush against one another’s. The couch is barely wide enough to have one person stretched out on it, let alone two, but somehow their sleeping selves had found a way to make-do by simply molding themselves into the other. Now that Sehyoon is somewhat awake, he finds it to be a rather uncomfortable position but by far not enough to let go.

Of this moment.

Of Byeongkwan.

So, despite knowing better, despite knowing that he is treading into dangerous territory, he allows himself to indulge in a little more closeness, a little more body heat and contentment.

A little more Byeongkwan.

*******

On regular days, Sehyoon’s shifts at work and Byeongkwan classes would have them finish at approximately the same time, with the younger making it home first and Sehyoon quick to follow. On rare days though, just like today, Sehyoon was allowed to leave early and as usual, whenever he was on the receiving end of his boss’ good mood moments, he uses the little extra time to pick up the other from school.

Byeongkwan’s college and Sehyoon’s workplace are actually in opposite directions so it is quite the walk but with summer just around the corner, Sehyoon enjoys the feeling of the sun’s warmth on his skin while noticing how slowly even the last muddy specks of snow are finally replaced by fresh, green grass.

He likes winter and the tranquility it brings with it, in fact, in is his favourite season of the year. But even so, he can’t help but feel more alive and carefree in summer. And it seems as if most students are sharing his feelings, seeing how many of them are splayed around campus, talking to each other, practicing in groups to blasting music or just relaxing by themselves under the clear, bright sky. Leaning against the brick wall, Sehyoon checks the time on his phone.

_His last class should be over soon._

He hadn't bothered to inform Byeongkwan that he would pick him up, he never does. Even if classes get cancelled, Sehyoon knows the other will stay behind to practice and make use of the amazing facilities this school has to offer. Plus, there was only one entrance to the grounds so as long as he stays near the main gates, the two of them wouldn’t miss each other.

Not long after Sehyoon had arrived, a big group of people leaves one of the smaller buildings – the one that houses the dance studios if he remembers correctly; Byeongkwan had shown him around once, his huge smile bright and his eyes sparkling.

Studying Visual and Performing Arts while minoring in Dance was a real dream come true for the younger one. While Sehyoon himself had always been more drawn towards photography and fine arts, there used to be nothing that could have stopped Byeongkwan from jumping and twirling around. Ever since they were kids, he would come up with choreographies that he would then force onto his friends, Sehyoon included, who, quite frankly had major troubles following the complicated and intricate routines.

_Not much has changed, huh?_

Sehyoon huffs out a quiet laugh, noting the shrill ring of the bell. Both Byeongkwan and Chan are usually amongst the students who stay behind the longest so it doesn’t come as a surprise when a crowd of students pass him and neither of them is in sight. It is not long after though that he sees Chan exiting the building. Alone.

 _That_ actually is surprising, given that these two are usually joined at the hip.

Spotting the older one, Chan shoots him a toothy smile, briskly jog-walking up to him. “Hyung! It’s been a while. You’re here to pick up BK?”

“Mh.” Sehyoon nods and looks around before continuing. “Where is he?”

“Ah, he’s got held up and uh…” Chan vaguely motions with his hands.

Eying him suspiciously, Sehyoon asks, “Did you guys have a fight?”

“What? No.” Chan laughs. “I know it’s weird when we don't come in a double pack but that’s not it. He really just needs to take care of something and I didn’t wanna disturb, if you know what I mean.”

“No I actually don't know.” Letting out a breathy laugh, Sehyoon looks at Chan expectedly, hoping he would explain.

He doesn’t.

“You soon will.” Looking on his phone, Chan’s face suddenly falls, his eyes growing almost comically large. “Shit, I gotta rush hyung. My mom talked me into picking up my brothers from soccer and she’ll have my ass if I’m late. BK should be out soon though.”

They share a quick but tight hug and promise to meet up soon and with Chan quickly jogging to the bus station and out of sight, all Sehyoon can do is to wait. At some point, he starts to worry. Sure, Byeongkwan loves to power himself out in the dance studio but whenever he would run late, he’d send a text to let Sehyoon know that he would be home late. Right now, his phone was quietly resting in the back pocket of his jeans though and with Chan’s cryptic behaviour, he quickly gets restless.

Just when he was about to head towards the studios to check, the doors open and Byeongkwan steps out.

And with him, a girl.

Now, that in and of itself isn’t what makes his heart sink; Byeongkwan is a social butterfly, high on energy and always in for a good time – something people around him love him for. Others enjoy being with him thanks to his free-spirited temperament and they highly respect him for his extremely creative mind and persevering mentality. Byeongkwan in return basks in the he attention he gets from both males and females alike but it usually seems to be just that.

Platonic admiration.

Sehyoon can immediately tell though that with this girl, it is different. Different in the way these two move round each other. Different in the way they look at each other, just for her to shyly avoid her gaze. Different in the way he flinches in embarrassment at her touches. Naturally, they are too far away for him to hear what they are talking about but it was quite obvious nonetheless, at least to him. Sehyoon swallows thickly.

The sudden burst of jealousy that rushes through his body is so unexpected yet so real, he almost turns around and leaves.

_Goddammit, get a grip you idiot!_

But then his and Byeongkwan’s eye meet and the way the latter’s face lights up makes it all so much worse; he is smiling so brightly while giving him a short but excited wave of his hand, his body bouncing slightly. The way Sehyoon’s heart jumps at this happy little gesture scares him to death; he had buried those feelings a long time ago and had sworn to move on, to let go of a fantasy that would never become reality. Two years ago, when he had come back home, he had promised himself to leave the struggles of his past behind. And he had done so well.

_So why now of all times?_

Drawing in a deep, shaky breath, Sehyoon sees how Byeongkwan points at him while saying something to the girl, making her look at him curiously and panic starts to rise in him; if Byeongkwan were to bring her over to introduce her, he wouldn’t be sure he could handle it. All the more is he surprised when the younger one just gives the girl a quick wave before lazily jogging over to him, leaving her behind.

“Sehyoon!”

Byeongkwan immediately wraps him into a tight hug. This kid has always been pretty touchy-feely, preferring actions over words, but ever since he has met Chan, Byeongkwan has gotten a lot more bashful. The youngest’ playful and puppy-like personality has rubbed off on him over the past couple of years. Not that he minded; he has always admired just how confident and unrestrained Byeongkwan is and it makes him incredibly happy that with Chan, he had seemed to have found a friend who helps him to cultivate those qualities.

On rare occasions though, just like this one, he wishes Byeongkwan would be just the smallest bit more reserved.

“Finished early today?” The younger one peels himself off of him, hands now gripping the straps of his backpack while gently rocking on his heels.

Looking over Byeongkwan’s shoulder, he can see the girl looking at them while typing on her phone. “Mh.”

“Sweet! Let’s get going then, I’m starving! Chan left me to clean up all by myself even though we both were on duty today, this traitor.” Hooking one arm around Sehyoon’s, Byeongkwan firmly drags him back out through the main gates and away from campus.

On their walk back home, Byeongkwan keeps talking about the dance class they just had, occasionally showing him some parts of the new choreography he came up with but Sehyoon has troubles concentrating. The younger one is a pretty open book, always honest and trusting and ready to tell Sehyoon about his life. That is exactly why it irritates him so much that the other has seemingly no interest in talking about the girl he has been giving the heart eyes.

_Maybe she’s just a random girl and I misunderstood?_

_Or, it’s because he is serious about her and too shy to speak up._

For the rest of the stroll and most of the evening, Sehyoon’s thoughts are circling aimlessly, making him restless and frustrated. He ponders over just outright asking Byeongkwan instead of overthinking, but would he be able to cope in case he is told something he doesn’t want to hear? It is infuriating and while he knows that he has no right to be jealous, his brain apparently didn’t get the memo.

That night, sleep doesn’t come easy for Sehyoon and after countless hours of his mind going haywire he eventually realizes that he urgently needs to remind himself of why it is so crucial that he won’t give in to his feelings. He has done it before and it had ended with him having to emotionally shut down and distance himself from his best friend. Something he is not willed to let happen again.

Letting his eyes fall closed, Sehyoon thinks back to six years ago, when he had said ‘ _yes_ ’ to Byeongkwan one too many times, almost ruining it all.

*******

They have known each other for most of their lives; Sehyoon had just turned six when his family moved in next doors many years ago and with their parents becoming close friends quickly, naturally the two boys were thrust into each other’s lives. At first, he mostly hung out with Byeongkwan’s older brother, especially after Eunseo was born. They were the same age and with Mrs. Kim having been a stay at home mom at that time, she had offered to help look after Sehyoon when needed. So with the prospect of being around a fun play buddy instead of his crying little sister, Sehyoon spent most of his time at the Kim’s.

The older he got though, the more he found himself captivated by the firecracker-like energy Byeongkwan seemed to possess, especially as he has always been the more shy and reserved type of child. But despite their differences, the two of them hit it off rather quickly and became close friends even faster. Byeongkwan just had this natural talent of making him come out of his shell; while others would push and urge him to be more involved, Byeongkwan easily managed to evoke reactions out of him by one of his many crazy antics. When others put too much pressure on him, almost drowning him in their expectations, Byeongkwan would simply grab his hand, grounding him - this gift of affection and warmth given to him by his mother, one of the kindest persons Sehyoon has ever met.

Their friendship seemed to grow stronger with each passing year, despite them having gone to different middle and high schools and making new friends along the way. Sehyoon just always felt so incredibly comfortable around Byeongkwan; with him he shared laughter, tears, happiness, sorrows, good times and bad ones. Some days, they talked about god knows what for hours on end while on others they just sit in silence even longer, just enjoying each other’s company. Back then, to Sehyoon the world seemed so small and life so easy and he was convinced that things would never change.

Until they did.

At first, Sehyoon would find his gaze linger on Byeongkwan longer than what was needed, making out and memorizing little details in the way he behaved. Things he had seen a million times before but never quite… like this; the way he crinkled his nose when he was trying to hold back his laughter, his giggles high and bubbly. How his laughs would be especially melodic when they would eventually burst out of him, making his head fall back in the process. How he liked to let his hand rest on Sehyoon’s shoulder whenever they stood next to each other and how he would often play with the older one’s hand, absentmindedly intertwining their fingers from time to time.

Then, Sehyoon realized that he had been thinking about Byeongkwan a lot more than before, constantly wondering what the other might be up to. Whenever school life got busy and kept them from hanging out, Sehyoon mourned the loss of time and opportunities that were stolen from him, wondering if Byeongkwan would feel similarly.

_I want him to think about me too._

It was this ardent wish that forced him to admit that he was crushing on Byeongkwan. His best friend. The one that, at the tender age of nineteen, Sehyoon had known for almost thirteen years. The one that trusted him the most – with secrets, wishes, aspirations and fears. And by falling in fucking love with him, Sehyoon had failed and betrayed him, risking ruining it all.

He was at a loss of what to do. Should he confess? Should he test the waters by making up a story á la ‘a friend of a friend’, checking for his reaction? Sehyoon felt so helpless while at the same time being too shy to ask any of his few friends for advice – and there was definitely no way he would seek help from his parents either.

Eventually, his fear of destroying their friendship made him settle on simply burying his feelings in hopes that, one day, they would just disappear. So he tried hard to both, physically and emotionally distance himself from Byeongkwan on the excuse of school being overwhelmingly stressful and for a while, he was doing great. Really great.

That was until Byeongkwan asked him to be his date for his junior prom.

Now, there were plenty of reasons why Sehyoon had never gone to any of his own proms but none of those seemed to matter to Byeongkwan who pestered him for eight days straight. Trying to reason with the other was absolutely useless and in retrospect, Sehyoon wonders why he even tried in the first place. Not only was Byeongkwan stead-fast in his decision to drag him along as his friend-date, but by that time, Sehyoon had grown so weak to the other that he could have asked him to wear a damn ball gown and he would have done it.

Naturally, he ultimately agreed.

Aware of all the emotional distress and risks his foolishness would bring with it, Sehyoon had regretted his decision from the moment he gave his OK. A few weeks later, on the night of the prom, all those concerns were blown out the window the exact moment he laid eyes on Byeongkwan; he was wearing a fitted 3-piece suit in deep red, the black necktie matching his equally black hair. The dusty red eye make-up and the hint of glitter made his naturally light brown eyes shine and sparkle.

Sehyoon almost confessed right then and there but was thankfully saved by his brain that completely malfunctioned and short-circuited. All he was able to huff out was a choked ‘ _wow_ ’ while blinking like a complete idiot.

“Look who’s talking. If I’m wow, then you are the king of all wows.” Byeongkwan got lost in his thoughts momentarily before he exclaimed excitedly, “You’re King Wow!”

They both sneered at the questionable nickname, awkward silence falling between them.

Giving himself a few seconds, Sehyoon eventually found his voice again and tried one more time. It was just as embarrassing.

“You…”, he had to swallow, hard, “…you look…incredible.”

His awkward stammering made Byeongkwan blush and Sehyoon nearly lost his mind. This very moment, he wanted nothing more than to kiss the shiny lip-gloss off of the other’s lips, could feel his legs and fingers twitch at the mere thought of his. When Byeongkwan then playfully pouted, it took literally _everything_ in him to not actually do it.

“Still jealous of your white hair though. God, I wish my parent would be a bit more chill, like, it’s just hair! I don't get it.” He sighed dramatically before he continued. “But seriously, you look amazing. Like an ice prince or something!”

Knowing that Byeongkwan would go all out with his outfit, Sehyoon had tried to keep his own rather simple; he wanted the younger one to shine, he was just the plus-one after all. He had found this white suit on sale at some store and got it on a whim. Unlike Byeongkwan, he had only put on minimal makeup, just a bit of black eyeliner with which Eunseo had to help. He had decorated one of his ears with a bunch of earrings for added bling, his hair unexcitingly swooped to the side.

Suddenly then, Byeongkwan wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly and Sehyoon was able to smell the plum shampoo the younger so dearly loved.

“Thanks Yoon, really. I’m super happy to have you with me tonight.”

After Byeongkwan’s mom had made him promise to not let her son drink any alcohol, Sehyoon drove them to Byeongkwan’s high school. The second they arrived, the latter was already, and very excitedly, dragging him to one of those cheesy polaroid photo-booths. While he was being manhandled into a pose by Byeongkwan, he noticed that a lot of other students were staring at them, whispering to one another with big eyes. Once he was handed the picture, he understood why.

They looked incredible.

Staring at the little square in awe, Sehyoon couldn't help but be absolutely mesmerized by the way the two of them were contrasting; Byeongkwan in his dark red suit, looking powerful and strong, and he himself all in white and blindingly bright.

_Like fire and ice._

Sehyoon put the picture safely into the pocket of his dress jacket before being pulled inside the repurposed gym hall by Byeongkwan who was ushering them towards the very back where his friends were already waiting for them. He didn’t know them well and despite their minor age difference of just three years, he felt incredibly out of place. Fortunately, Byeongkwan picked up on his awkwardness and made sure to keep the mood lively and fun. Soon enough, Sehyoon felt much more comfortable and over the next few hours, they all kept talking while snacking on the cheap stuff the school had provided. To his own surprise, he was truly enjoying himself.

Until it all went to shits.

One of Byeongkwan’s friends was excitedly telling a story when another one suddenly interrupted. “Yo Kwan, look! That’s Claire over there, all by herself!”

While the others were craning their necks to look in the direction of the snack bar, Byeongkwan ducked his head, eyes burning holes into the dirty table cloth in front of him. His ears were almost as red as his suit and when he spoke, his voice cracked just the tiniest bit.

“So? I don't care.” He sounded incredibly unconvincing.

“What do you mean? You have chased after her for ages and when you finally had the opportunity to ask her out, you chickened out. Now is your chance dude, go and talk to her!”

“I didn’t chase after her and I sure as hell didn’t chicken out!” His friends snorted at that. “I just… thought it would be more fun to go with you all.”

“And we all feel so honoured but I swear to god if you’re not gonna get your ass over to her within the next five seconds, imma tell everyone how you cried like a baby during Toy Story.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Byeongkwan feigned offence, clutching his chest dramatically but all he got in return was a challenging look from his friend that had him up on his feet within seconds. “Alright, alright! But if I blow it, I expect compensation for being forced to do this. I’ll accept cash and checks.” Sighing deeply, Byeongkwan then made his way towards the girl.

The moment Byeongkwan stepped away from their table, Sehyoon felt as if he were in a vacuum; the glaring of the music was gone, as was the smell of pubescent teen sweat that had pungently hung in the air the entire evening. He couldn't taste the salty remain of the nasty chips anymore and the conversations around him slowly blurred away.

All he could do was to stare at the boy he liked so much, dance with a girl he wished was him. All he could think about was how he would have done anything to be the one to make the other smile like that. All he could taste was the bitterness as he was betrayed by his own emotions. All he could feel was how his heart was breaking, painfully so.

_I need to get away from here._

Despite wanting nothing more than do exactly that, he couldn't just _leave_ leave, he had given Byeongkwan a lift after all. But the sticky air around him suddenly felt heavier, almost suffocating him, and he urgently needed to get away from people. If he was about to go through an emotional breakdown, he sure would not have one in front of Byeongkwan’s friends – so he excused himself and went outside.

Aimlessly walking around in search of some secluded place, away from the main crowd, where he could give in to his self-pity, Sehyoon eventually stumbled across a shabby looking but vacated gazebo. This old thing was round, the brittle fencing wrapped in colourful fairy lights, the floor home to a few empty plastic cups. Stepping inside, Sehyoon leaned against the fencing with his elbows propped up on it, his head heavily falling into is hands.

_This fucking sucks._

He knew he was overreacting. He knew he behaved like a drama queen. He knew he had no right to feel this jealous and angry. But he couldn't help it, couldn't help feeling cheated; by the universe, by Byeongkwan, but mostly by himself. After all, he was the one who had decided on flight over fight, hiding over honesty, and now he had the audacity to act like a spoiled child?

_Pathetic._

Sehyoon was very well aware that he couldn't have both; Byeongkwan all for himself while hiding behind his own insecurities, refusing to make the first step. But that was not going to happen as his fears were too overpowering, so the only other option was to shut down emotionally, refusing and denying his feelings existence once and for all. This way, he would at least save the both a lot of unnecessary hassle. Hearing slow footsteps approaching him, Sehyoon knew that he wouldn’t be given an easy way out though.

Hesitantly, he looked to the side and directly into Byeongkwan’s deflated face; the younger one was leaning his back against the fencing, his hands in the pockets of his pants and his lips pushed into a big pout.

“Wat’cha doing out here?” His voice matched his disheartened demeanour.

Sehyoon swallowed thickly and looked away. “Shouldn't I be asking you that? What’s with that Claire girl?”

Byeongkwan inhaled deeply, then sighed. “I … well, let’s just say it… didn’t work out?”

It almost sounded like a question and nearly had Sehyoon ask him to elaborate out of courtesy. He didn’t find it in him to prod though so he just nodded, hoping Byeongkwan wouldn’t go into any further details. Luckily, he didn’t, but what he did say instead turned out to be so much worse.

“It kinda sucks though, like, I wanted to get my first proper kiss at prom. And now that ain’t gonna happen.” Byeongkwan puffed out a breath. “I wanted the full experience!”

While Byeongkwan was whining about a ruined prom and missed opportunities, Sehyoon prayed to every god known to mankind, silently asking them to make the other shut up. He feared what Byeongkwan might ask of him – he had done it before, but in the past Sehyoon had been strong enough to reason, with both himself and Byeongkwan. That night though, he didn’t trust himself to make the right decisions.

Byeongkwan’s voice then got quiet and shy and Sehyoon had to close his eyes; he knew what was coming, he had dreaded it.

“Hyung…” There was a slight tug at the hem of his dress jacket but Sehyoon didn’t move. “Don't you… I mean… couldn't you .. like…” Byeongkwan gave another tug. “Would you?”

Sehyoon swallowed, eyes still pressed closed and brows heavily furrowed while he let out a long breath. He tried his best to ground himself before he straightened up, turning around to look directly at Byeongkwan. The latter was gazing up at him from under his lashes, hands folded behind his back while nervously biting on his lower lip. He looked endearingly whimsical and Sehyoon could already feel how he was faltering. Yet, he somehow managed to press out a firm “No.”.

Byeongkwan’s face fell instantly and his hands quickly grabbed Sehyoon’s who winced at the sudden skin contact. Trying to pull away, the younger one just gripped him tighter.

“Sehyoon, look, I … I know this is weird… I … ugh it’s just…” Scrambling to find the right words, Byeongkwan’s eyes pleadingly stared at him.

“I’m sure there are a ton of cute girls here that would be more than happy to help you out. There is no need f-“

“No!” Byeongkwan was quick to interrupt. “No, I don't want… you know… I wanted this to be special.”

Harshly tugging his hands out of Byeongkwan’s hold, Sehyoon averted his eyes, slowly shaking his head.

When he took a step back, Byeongkwan took one closer, his bottom lip pushed forward while giving him puppy-eyes. “Sehyoon hyung, _please_.”

Sehyoon felt swamped and over-challenged, nothing made sense to him; sure, they had peppered each other’s faces with kisses before, especially when they were younger and one of them had felt down. Byeongkwan even had asked him for a proper kiss before, last year when one of his friends had their first smooch, making him incredibly jealous and curious alike. Back then it had been just childish behaviour that soon had been sorted with a proper whack other Byeongkwan's head. But this? This was absolute madness.

And yet.

With Byeongkwan staring up at him so shyly with those big and pretty eyes, looking so damn handsome in his stupidly gorgeous red suit, his soft hair melting into the dark night while the fairy lights that surrounded them made him glow – how could he have denied him anything.

Besides, there was no need to fully commit; he just had to give him what he wanted, hopefully making him drop this conversation for good.

The prospect of never having to argue about this ever again lifted the heavy weight of his chaotic emotions off of his shoulder as Sehyoon leaned in and gave his best friend a soft peck. It was chaste and quick but he didn’t dare to let his lips linger any longer than that. Removing himself from the other boy, Sehyoon stepped back and let his gaze fall down to the ground, every fiber of his body yearning for more.

Byeongkwan’s irritation caught up with him quickly. “What the hell? That’s not a kiss, I meant a proper one!” Getting no reaction from Sehyoon, he grumbled to himself. “Ah, this sucks. I feel robbed.”

Sehyoon couldn't believe his ears. Byeongkwan had no right to accuse him of that, not with such a dejected face. Anger and annoyance washed through him and Sehyoon finally reached his breaking point; he was angry and confused and felt misunderstood and weak and dumb and just all sorts of things all at the same time. At the end of the day, he was just a hormonal teen himself, so maybe he should allow himself to act like one as well. Just this once.

Making use of this courage while it lasted, Sehyoon slowly walked up to Byeongkwan, cupped his face with both his hands and connected their lips.

Startled, Byeongkwan gasped, loudly sucking in air through his nose and Sehyoon felt how his whole body stiffened. He didn’t back away though, so Sehyoon continued. He sucked in the plump bottom lip, gently biting on it while letting one of his hands slowly glide from Byeongkwan’s cheek down to his chest. Even through the thick layer of the dress shirt, he could feel the thundering beats of the other’s heart beneath his fingertips. His own was beating just as fast and Sehyoon soon ran out of breath, already feeling light-headed. Trying to step back, Byeongkwan immediately clawed into his jacket to pull him close again.

“Mmmh, more.” It was a breathless whisper – one that had Sehyoon lose all inhibition.

With a firm push of his hand against Byeongkwan’s chest, he backed the other boy up against one of the gazebos pillars, reconnecting their lips and swallowing the other’s surprised yelp. He let his tongue slide over Byeongkwan’s lower lip, earning him a quiet moan which he used to lick into his mouth. Sehyoon felt how Byeongkwan’s body went slack at that.

Moving his free hand to the back of the younger one’s head, he gently pushed, deepening the kiss yet again. They both groaned and Sehyoon helplessly grabbed and scratched at the skin of Byeongkwan’s neck while he in return was pretty much fisting the fabric of the older one’s suit, his breath wild; he was keening, slightly arching into the kiss while whining softly. The noises that spilled from Byeongkwan made the feather-light Butterflies in his belly heavy like rocks as they pooled deep within him.

To Sehyoon, the sensation of feeling Byeongkwan against him, like this, was almost too much, so, with a heavy heart and a light head, he pried himself off the other, dizzily leaning back against the fencing. He tried his best to even out his breaths which, in all honesty, was difficult; his whole body felt as if it was on fire, yet he could feel goose bumps prickle his skin.

_Holy shit._

“Holy shit.” Sehyoon startled at the way Byeongkwan coincidentally voice his exact thoughts. “That was…” His voice was shaky and he awkwardly cleared his throat. “I mean, that was nice. Is that what it’s supposed to feel like?”

Sehyoon wasn’t sure if the question was directed at him or if Byeongkwan was talking to himself but he didn’t bother to reply either way. Pressuring silence fell between them, ultimately broken when Byeongkwan huffed out a breathy laugh.

“Man, I guess you’re really good at that, my heart’s still fluttering. You really are King Wow!”

Just like that, Byeongkwan had seemed to have moved on already. Sehyoon on the other hand felt frustration rise up in him; although he had gone into this with the promise of keeping his feeling and emotions out of it, he couldn't help but feel wronged and uses. He didn’t blame Byeongkwan, it was his own decision for which he hated himself but it didn’t make him feel any less miserable. While it meant the world to him, to Byeongkwan it was a mere box he could check off that night.

“Don't call me that.” His voice was sour and bitter and matched how he felt on the inside. “Go back inside, your friends are probably waiting for you. I’ll wait in the car for you. Take your time.”

Without giving Byeongkwan a chance to reply, Sehyoon turned around and left, running away from it all for the second time that night, desperately praying that he soon would be released from those feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for making this chapter super confusing timeline wise. we jump from two years after the first chapter right back to six years ago. ○|￣|＿  
> back when i structured this fic, i had debated for a while when to put this flashback in the story but this chapter ended up being the only option as it worked best with the flow overall..

**Author's Note:**

> im so sad because in my early drafts i had planned to make junhees grilfriend a lot more involved (she was supposed to be a real sweet and precious girlie) but i ended up completely forgetting about her so byeongkwan telling sehyoon about her is literally the only time shes ever mentioned in the entire fic.. rip (．＿．)
> 
> this fic is quite the whopper and while i tried my best to keep up with the tags, some might have slipped past me so pls let me know if there is anything i should add.


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